Luminance Marketing: None Too Bright

So, those of you who follow my Facebook posts know I had an interview with Luminance Marketing last Friday and this past Monday.  While it seemed good at first, I learned that if something is too good to be true, it most likely is.  Let me explain.

Last Thursday, I submitted my resume online from a Craigslist posting for a customer service position.  A couple of hours later, I got a call from "Luminance Marketing" asking me to set up an interview.  Amazed by the almost-immediate turnaround, I gladly accepted a 9 AM interview in their Canoga Park office.  For those of you who don't know the area, Canoga Park is about 10 miles away from North Hollywood, and 23 miles away from my apartment here in Glendale.  Because I don't have a car, I had to use public transportation...a 3-hour commute.

The interview went very well, but very quick.  The person who interviewed me showed me that they are involved in selling DirecTV subscriptions by setting up tables in Best Buy, Fry's Electronics, and Sam's Clubs around the Southland.  Given my experience with setting up a table for the OU Game Show club, I was immediately interested.  They asked if I could stay till Noon for the second round of the interview.  Knowing I had to be back here in Glendale, then down at the Sheraton Gateway hotel for OrcCon on Friday afternoon, I declined, but left my cellphone number.  On the bus ride home, they called me back and asked if I could come in Monday at noon.  I accepted.

Upon return to my apartment, I told my roommates about it.  Ben and Adam seemed pleased about it, but Tim felt immediately apprehensive.  Why?  A couple of years ago, Tim had a job similar to this one where he sold office supplies door-to-door.  He gave me a laundry list of questions to ask upon my next interview, including pay rate, standard activities during the day, and the like.

After a completely successful OrcCon appearance, playing game show games all weekend and making a bushel basket of new friends and connections, I managed to get four hours of sleep before my three-hour commute back to Canoga Park.  I arrived in their office just prior to my Noon appointment, and was able to listen in on their meeting going on in the back room.  At seven different times during the forty minutes I sat there, I heard Tim's voice in the back of my head screaming, "GET THE F*** OUT OF HERE!!"  While I appreciated the concern of my conscience, I felt as if I had to stick it out and see where it was headed.  At 12:30, when the meeting broke, I met my second-round interviewer, Kevin, and went to do the on-site interview at the Glendale Best Buy.

In the car ride over, it was the standard "getting-to-know-you" conversation: where are you from, where did you go to school, what kind of music do you like, do you mind if I smoke...y'know...the usual.  It wasn't until we got to the store where he broke down the nuts and bolts of the business.

Luminance Marketing is set up with a four-tier promotion scheme.  I would first start out as the in-store salesman.  I would get a base pay of $288 per week.  If I were to make any sales, I would make money per sale ($100 per sale for 1 to 3 sales, $110 for 4 to 7, and $120 for 8 or more).  I would be in that position for 2 to 4 weeks, until I managed to get 8 sales in one week.  That would move me to the next step, where I would be in charge of training more people to do the job I just promoted out of.  After 3 to 6 months, I would be promoted to Assistant Manager...running an office, and conducting preliminary interviews.  After a month, I would get promoted to the top of the ladder:  owner of my own office, where I could stand to make $100,000 a year.  This is what we will call RED FLAG NUMBER ONE.  He also told me the job would entail me being in the Canoga Park office at 9:30 AM six days a week (Wednesdays off), then being assigned to a store somewhere in the Southland.  With me not having my own transportation, that would make it iffy.  RED FLAG NUMBER TWO.  He then told me that the work days would not end until around 9 PM every night.  RED FLAG NUMBER THREE.  So, basically, I would be racking up a total of two to three hours of sleep a night, and my Wednesdays would be spent in bed.


Then, Kevin showed me what was to take place on the job.  It turns out that we would not stay in one stationary location.  We would be required to walk around the store and approach customers by, in essence, MISREPRESENTING OURSELVES as employees of the store by asking if we can help them with anything, then give the pitch.  RED FLAG NUMBER FOUR.  By the way, here's the pitch:  "Hey, did you hear about what's going on in the store today?  Well, Best Buy has authorized me to talk to you about DirecTV."  RED FLAG NUMBER FIVE.  Essentially, it's telemarketing while face-to-face.  While going around the store, we went up to three people, and got three very emphatic "NO" responses.  At the end of the day, I told Kevin I had some serious mis-givings about the position, and would need to go through the training to resolve them.  He agreed, and said he would call me back that night after talking with his manager to get me set up.


Thankfully, I was in Glendale, so it was only a two-bus trip home.  Upon arriving, Tim was the only one awake in the apartment, as he was unloading the car from the previous night at OrcCon.  I told him all the details except the promotional structure.  His opinion started to waver, until I showed him the paper with the promotional structure.  I couldn't have received a louder "NO" response.  Apparently, although it was a different company, it was the identical situation he had encountered with the office supplies.  So, I waited for my call back from Kevin, which came at 9 PM.  I told him that I appreciated the opportunity, but the job raised too many Red Flags, and I would have to decline.  Kevin replied, and I quote, "Well, I am making a $900 check next week, so if that interests you at all, call me back."  I said, "Oh, will do."  and hung up.


So, to sum up, if you're a naive, doe-eyed, innocent person who thinks they can make it big in the business world with very little experience and minimal work:  Luminance is for YOU!  But, if you know that it takes effort, hard work, time, patience, blood, sweat, and tears to be a success, and have a college degree, half a brain, and a soul:  STEER CLEAR OF LUMINANCE MARKETING!

Dear Blog-ary...

This afternoon, while watching Comedy Central's "Stand-Up Showdown", one of the comics referred to blogs as diaries.  Therefore, I'm writing today's "blog-ary" post.

Dear Blog-ary...
The last 24 hours have been a series of ups and downs.  It's been a while since I've been on a roller-coaster like the one I've just been on.  Let me start with late yesterday.

UP: I checked my email right before we all went to Ben's improv show last night.  I, once again, have scheduled hours at the park!

DOWN: I thought I'd better call in this morning to try to get a shift, so that way, I'd at least have a little bit of a paycheck.  I called at 7 AM, they put me on the list, and the call-back never came.

UP: Ben decided to make breakfast this morning, in order to use up his two rolls of chorizo.  I decided today would be the day I would try chorizo for the first time, spread over a cheese omelet with sour cream.

DOWN: Too much chorizo.  My stomach has been in knots all day...partly because of the chorizo, partly for other reasons.

UP: Even though I didn't get a shift at work today, I decided to go up there anyway, say "HI" to co-workers, and others, and take a lap thru the park.

DOWN: So, I was lucky enough to see some of my Guest Relations co-workers, do the Terminator 2: 3D show again, and take a lap thru the park.  But, the one co-worker I wanted to see wasn't there.

Thankfully, this day has ended on an "UP".  I got an email inviting me and my roommates to lunch next Thursday with a legendary television producer (you know who you are), and Mega Python vs. Gatoroid is on.

That's all for now, Blog-ary.  I'm going to enjoy my chicken tenders, tater tots, and Smirnoff Ice before crashing out for the evening.  Hopefully, better news will appear in the next few days.

2011: Let's get this party started...

Well, it's the beginning of a new year, and time for me to start blogging about it.  It's been a good start so far.  Here are some details:

• I finally got a bed!  Thanks to my roommate's co-worker, I received a free twin-size mattress and box spring set...the only caveat was the drive to Pomona to pick it up.  Thankfully, I have a friend with an SUV, and the bed has now been slept on for at least a week.  I couldn't be happier.

• Even though my job at Universal Studios has become a one-day-a-week schedule (if I'm lucky), I have managed to subsidize my income with some freelance game software work.  Thanks to my customers...you know who you are.

• I was invited to a movie fundraiser screening earlier this week.  The film: "Come On Down: The Road To 'The Price is Right'".  It's a documentary outlining the lives of fans-turned-contestants and their experiences on the show.  Also featured in the doc are former staffers, including original Producers Jay Wolpert and Roger Dobkowitz.  The upside?  I got to see Roger and his family at the screening!  Thank you, Randy West, for the invite.

• I will finally get to experience the fun that is Jason's Super Bowl party in Chino in a few weeks.  I've heard so many stories from past parties, and now I finally get to go to one and see it for myself.

So far, 2011 has been a great year.  Let's hope the rest of it turns out just as good.

Finally, for those interested, I am planning a trip back to the Mid-Ohio Valley at the end of April.  So, if you're in Marietta, Parkersburg, Vienna, Williamstown, Belpre, Athens, or any surrounding areas, and want to hang out, let me know.